ok friends. today we are going to take the fascinating train ride known as the "memorandum of understanding
" that was crafted for the debates. now as your conductor, lets get it going. cho-cho-cho. all aboard for the ride of a lifetime, or a pathetic lonely read.
"the candidates may not ask each other direct questions, but may ask rhetorical questions"
dont let discourse get in the way of talking points, that would be unamerican
"the candidates shall not address each other with proposed pledges"
this i like in the sense that it can get dirty if allowed. it can turn into lazio vs. clinton. ugly politics.
damn this thing is lawyery, legal legal leag. planned to a t, cho-cho
for the two policy debates...
questions go like this. candidate gets asked question, has 2 minutes to respond, other candidate then gets 1 1/2 minutes to respond to question and/or other candidates response. moderator may then extend discussion by 1 minute, upon their discretion, and split said time into half for each candidate. wow, i can't believe i just wrote that. side note, this memorandum is a pdf of a photocopy so i have to type everything out, so expect only quotes i like.
"the moderator shall manage the debate so the candidates address at least 16 questions"
16 questions to decide, so so few
for town hall meeting whatever debate...
same question rules, moderator calls on members of audience. said member asks question directly to the candidate up in the rotation of questions. said candidate answers, then other answers, extended format upon said moderators discretion. look mom, i'm a lawyer, just like that john edwards guy, lets go sue sue sue. tort law rules, and makes me a millionaire
"the audience members shall not ask follow-up questions or otherwise participate in the extended discussion, and the ausience member's microphone shall be turned off after he or she [editors note: hopefully we won't have any of them willy womens askin' questions, ha] has completed asking the question"
ask question, get talking point, done, debate won
questions will be submitted ahead of time, no candidate or their handlers shall see said questions ahead of time. moderator will choose questions and even out foreign and domestic policy questions. if audience member gets upidy and deviates from proposed question, moderator will keep them in check with a bitch slap and a warning that unproposed questions are not allowed to be asked of our leaders, especially in a time of war (small snark, yes i agree unproposed questions = bad)
the audience members will be half and half of "soft" gdub2k supporters and "soft" kerry supporters. what about the fucking fence straddlers, do they not have a voice in our democracy, do they have no rights, do you have no decency sir. and wtf is soft anyways. am i soft, i'm not the biggest fan of kerry, i say elect me but i am too young, but if i were in office i would change the constitution. see, all this mumbojumbo about putting hate into the constitution with a straight amendment, its there already, lets stop the hate, elect me at 25
there will be hand shakes, there will be hand shakes, lets see that little midget try to trump giganto kerry, ha ha ha, 4 inches
tv cameras will be locked into place, but may tilt and rotate as needed. good to know we wont have those damn moving cameras like they have in football now, think of it, a fly over camera covering the fast rhetorical action of this years sooperbowl of debates
moderator gets his own rear camera, i thought this was about the candidates. when a candidate is speaking the camera is on him and him only. no audience shots except for question time, no cutaways during answers, blah blah. person speaking = person on camera.
each candidate gets own camera with timing light in their line of view so they gets the times down
no applause, speech or anything from audience at all, except from questions from said audience when permitted from moderator.
temperature will be kept at industry standards, lets hope gdub2k doesnt get his hands on that industry
whew, good the podiums will be 50 inches. i was worried they wouldn't get to that very very importand detail.
"no candidate shall be permitted to use risers or any other device to give the impression of elevated height"
you have it here first, there shall be no debate over who won the debates, kerry hands down. he's taller, so there for more patriotic and american. sorry gdub2k, if only the seed had been stronger
symetrical stage setup, industry standard i hear
done, damn that was boring shit.
ok, so equality is the goal of these debates, everything equal. dressing rooms, seats, podiums, tables, tickets, blah blah blah. i see the reasoning for this memo, but damn i wish i didnt. i want debates, i want unscripted discussion held in a civil manner. this could be why people are so addicted to reality tv, everything now days is scripted. i want our leaders to discuss, compromise, and come up with the best solutions possible. i know it will never happen, but a boy can dream can't he. well the train has stopped, the ride is over, i hope you enjoyed the journey. i get to go to the airport soon, not to fly but to drop off a friend, i am never lucky enough to get to fly.